so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
