last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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