it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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