I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
