I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
