im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
