Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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