Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
