so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
