Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
