Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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