just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
