yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
