In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
