Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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