Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
