in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
