Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
