I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
