the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
