I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She needs sedatives and a leash
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
