Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
