did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
