I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
