Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
