lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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