Ambien. No doubt about it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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