I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
