you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
