she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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