Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
