I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
