bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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