I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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