i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
