All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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