you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
