we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
