i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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