So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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