Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
