Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
