Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
