I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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