at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
