somebody snuck up and got me drunk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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