The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
