I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
