I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
