I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
