dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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