I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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