chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
