Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
